Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The Reality

The reality is:   I am hiding from everyone because I don’t want them to see how fat I am.

The reality is:   I don’t want to talk to anyone until I feel good about myself or have things under control.

The reality is:   I feel ashamed that I can’t get in control, embarrassed that I allow it, guilty that I let others down by not holding myself to the same standard that I hold them to.  

The reality is:   I fear that I wont get control back.  I fear that it will spiral worse out of control and I’ll bust my pants.  I fear that people are talking about me behind my back.  I’m certain they are. I just don’t want to accept it

The reality is:   What if I had Confidence?   Wouldn't it be amazing to lose weight, have self control, feel good about myself, feel beautiful, and have others notice my beauty? 



The reality is:    I've been though this mental exercise before, I've gone over these same belief systems in my head and still not managed to remember it or apply it.  I don’t put enough emphasis on it?  I don’t truly believe it? Apparently not!

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