I've been really depressed lately. Not just a "I don't feel like doing anything today" kind of depressed, no, this is like, "I want to take ALL the pills in the closet because there is no hope" kind of depressed. Scary, I know. Thankfully, I know this is part of the disease and I've learned that if I don't take the pills and wait it out, it will get better. yes, the sun will come out tomorrow.
Couple that with my "non residue" diet and I've allowed myself to eat carbs. Tons and tons of carbs. I'm eating entire loaves of bread. yes loaves. I ate 6 muffins yesterday. And two pints of ice cream. Real ice cream. Soft and squishy foods are ok. And guess what? My stomach loves it.
I CRAVE vegetables and salad. And that clean, healthy feeling from eating a huge satisfying salad. Will I ever eat that again? How will I ever feel healthy and eat "clean" with this disease?
And with the depressed episodes it's just SO easy to eat crap
Showing posts with label Clean Eating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Clean Eating. Show all posts
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Some Days....
Some days it's easy to eat healthy and workout, and some days my brain and body just strongly disagree.
I want to workout, to keep up this great routine/ regimen I have that's helping me lose body fat. But i'm tired. And today it probably the last day I can 'cheat' before vacation..... that will give me one week to eat well, eat clean, and be lean and mean for Tuesday.
BUT, the good news is that because I tried to prevent the binge by having grapes, dried figs (I know, lots of calories) and some yogurt, I was only able to eat my omelette, a few hash browns, and 2 pieces of french toast and one pancake, instead of ALL of it. And as soon as I get to my next gym, i'll be throwing it all away, except the toast. The toast I'm keeping in case I need another carb boost later today. Besides, I think it's whole wheat.
I want to workout, to keep up this great routine/ regimen I have that's helping me lose body fat. But i'm tired. And today it probably the last day I can 'cheat' before vacation..... that will give me one week to eat well, eat clean, and be lean and mean for Tuesday.
BUT, the good news is that because I tried to prevent the binge by having grapes, dried figs (I know, lots of calories) and some yogurt, I was only able to eat my omelette, a few hash browns, and 2 pieces of french toast and one pancake, instead of ALL of it. And as soon as I get to my next gym, i'll be throwing it all away, except the toast. The toast I'm keeping in case I need another carb boost later today. Besides, I think it's whole wheat.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Borrrr-inngggg!
Wow when I eat clean there isn't as much to talk about! It's fairly boring: shakes, shakes and more shakes. These little EAS low carb shakes that have about 100 calories each actually get me through until the next one. My favorite flavor is Rich Dark Chocolate.... it's like a blast of chocolate each time! [I sound like a commercial!] Not designed to be a meal replacement, but they do fill me up enough until the next one. [Again, I sound like a commercial!] Especially if I pair it with a piece of fruit, or some tomatoes, which are my new favorite snack - little grape tomatoes are fun to eat!
I'm surprising myself with how much I seem to actually care about my body and am paying attention to it.
For example, yesterday, I was feeling disappointed with work stuff, and social stuff (i.e. lack of boyfriend), however, I still wanted my body to be strong. I listened, and added a mini three exercise workout to my day.
Even at home, that night, still feeling disappointed about social stuff (i.e. boys - pretty much always the theme) I was aware of how my belly felt and what I really wanted... to feel healthy. Over the past few months... ok, years...chocolate and carbs and feeling full has provided me with that satisfaction of filling that void.
I also find that tracking my food in the online diary is helping as a reality check. So when my mind desires food - I can ask myself am I really hungry? And if I haven't eaten enough yet, based on the food log, I know that I probably am hungry. If the food log is complete and full of enough food, I can ask my belly if it is really hungry or just tired or maybe what we call "mouth hunger". Mouth hunger for me is the desire to chew.... or the desire to have a certain taste experience. It is generally unnecessary food. However, sometimes it helps to give into the mouth hunger so I don't go completely crazy :)
I'm surprising myself with how much I seem to actually care about my body and am paying attention to it.
For example, yesterday, I was feeling disappointed with work stuff, and social stuff (i.e. lack of boyfriend), however, I still wanted my body to be strong. I listened, and added a mini three exercise workout to my day.
Even at home, that night, still feeling disappointed about social stuff (i.e. boys - pretty much always the theme) I was aware of how my belly felt and what I really wanted... to feel healthy. Over the past few months... ok, years...chocolate and carbs and feeling full has provided me with that satisfaction of filling that void.
I also find that tracking my food in the online diary is helping as a reality check. So when my mind desires food - I can ask myself am I really hungry? And if I haven't eaten enough yet, based on the food log, I know that I probably am hungry. If the food log is complete and full of enough food, I can ask my belly if it is really hungry or just tired or maybe what we call "mouth hunger". Mouth hunger for me is the desire to chew.... or the desire to have a certain taste experience. It is generally unnecessary food. However, sometimes it helps to give into the mouth hunger so I don't go completely crazy :)
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Tuesday Obsessions
1. Bitstrips
Create an avatar ( cartoon of yourself ) and then use their hilarious pre-made cartoons to post on facebook! Totally cracking me up!
Create an avatar ( cartoon of yourself ) and then use their hilarious pre-made cartoons to post on facebook! Totally cracking me up!
2. Hopeless Romantic
That would be me. Wishing, and hoping, and dreaming, and praying..... wanting and longing for the romance that I've had brief tastes of, here and there.... But reality is that right NOW, I have everything I need RIGHT NOW.
3. Not Food
Normally I spend at least one day obsessed with food. As in, what delicious and "bad" thing can I eat today? Or, which of my favorite foods will fill that void I feel... the longing for all that I don't have? I have not been desiring food to quench these feelings lately. It is unusual! It is good!
Monday, October 21, 2013
Too Many Good Days
It's unusual for me to have this many "good" days. I've been tracking my food in My Fitness Pal, keeping under my calories, and I've been losing weight - almost 10 lbs in a week due to the fact that my binges cause me to hold a lot of water.
I'm almost completely turned off by the thought of overeating. It is still an automatic reaction for me, and thoughts of Jimmy Johns swirl through my mind. But the idea of eating so much churns my stomach and not in a good way.
I think this is partly due to my clothes starting to fit better, giving me confidence to continue this mindful eating. Also partly due to the confidence of seeing my friend over the weekend. Huge ego boost for me. Huge!
My "No meat" experiment began last Monday after I was too tired / lazy etc to go to Costco to buy more chicken, and not wanting to spend the extra money to buy them at the store. So I decided to substitute protein shakes, quest protein bars, and nuts as protein sources for the week. I actually felt really good after doing that and have kept doing it, for the most part ( except a chicken sandwich Friday night, and there was some turkey on my sandwich Saturday morning ).
I'm almost completely turned off by the thought of overeating. It is still an automatic reaction for me, and thoughts of Jimmy Johns swirl through my mind. But the idea of eating so much churns my stomach and not in a good way.
I think this is partly due to my clothes starting to fit better, giving me confidence to continue this mindful eating. Also partly due to the confidence of seeing my friend over the weekend. Huge ego boost for me. Huge!
My "No meat" experiment began last Monday after I was too tired / lazy etc to go to Costco to buy more chicken, and not wanting to spend the extra money to buy them at the store. So I decided to substitute protein shakes, quest protein bars, and nuts as protein sources for the week. I actually felt really good after doing that and have kept doing it, for the most part ( except a chicken sandwich Friday night, and there was some turkey on my sandwich Saturday morning ).
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Trader Joe's You Win Again!
Three days in a row of "clean" eating.... I figure this is due to the following:
1) The new medication I take has a reputation of increasing blood glucose, leading to weight gain.
2) I seem to be in a manic cycle
3) A friend called yesterday and wants to possibly meet halfway this weekend and I'm motivated to look my best!
My Fitness Pal is helpful for planning my food intake for the day to ensure I stay under my calorie goal (including what it estimates I burn through my workouts). I can still have my Quest Peanut Butter Cups [ side note the peanut butter part tastes so chalky and weird but the chocolate is so good that i find it is totally worth it! ]
At Trader Joe's today I stocked up on fresh produce, my low carb wraps, and kale chips and still spend under $30! I notice I consistently spend less there than at Giant, or any other store, so it feels like a bargain. We shall see at the end of the month if I have spent less overall on groceries. But in the meantime I am excited to spend less than $30 on such bounty!
One day I would like to buy everything at the store just to try it ALL because it is so unique and appealing. Of course that is not realistic, so occasionally I will buy something that looks semi healthy and semi delicious [or vice versa as my eyes see it]. In the display at the checkout lane was a "low carb dark chocolate" bar. Really??? Oh yes, the chocolate gods have struck again! Reviews to come later, if positive.
1) The new medication I take has a reputation of increasing blood glucose, leading to weight gain.
2) I seem to be in a manic cycle
3) A friend called yesterday and wants to possibly meet halfway this weekend and I'm motivated to look my best!
My Fitness Pal is helpful for planning my food intake for the day to ensure I stay under my calorie goal (including what it estimates I burn through my workouts). I can still have my Quest Peanut Butter Cups [ side note the peanut butter part tastes so chalky and weird but the chocolate is so good that i find it is totally worth it! ]
At Trader Joe's today I stocked up on fresh produce, my low carb wraps, and kale chips and still spend under $30! I notice I consistently spend less there than at Giant, or any other store, so it feels like a bargain. We shall see at the end of the month if I have spent less overall on groceries. But in the meantime I am excited to spend less than $30 on such bounty!
One day I would like to buy everything at the store just to try it ALL because it is so unique and appealing. Of course that is not realistic, so occasionally I will buy something that looks semi healthy and semi delicious [or vice versa as my eyes see it]. In the display at the checkout lane was a "low carb dark chocolate" bar. Really??? Oh yes, the chocolate gods have struck again! Reviews to come later, if positive.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Eating Clean..... Again
I unpacked some bins of clothes last weekend and found jeans and pants in every size. I tossed the ones I knew would never fit again, but some are not as old and could fit if I made an effort.
So here I am, back on the "eating clean" cycle... lately this only lasts for 2 days, 3 days max. Spring of 2012 I was able to eat clean for two months and get down to an amazing 140 lbs. I was hungry all. the. time. And I hated it. I couldn't wait to eat. So slowly, over the summer, I put 10 or so pounds back on.
And then the next 20, over the last 12 months.
I know what to eat to lose weight. I have no desire to starve myself again. Been there, done that.
In an ideal world I would "eat when I'm hungry, and sleep when I'm tired" as my mother used to say about vacation. I would only eat until satiated, and not to fill a void nor as a substitute for another activity.
It also requires, in my opinion, keeping track in a food diary or food log. I love the website 'My Fitness Pal' for keeping track because they have a huge food database. whats frustrating is how quickly I reach my caloric goal for the day and I feel like I'm not even eating that much! How do people under-eat????
If I eat as planned for today, I'll be 6 calories OVER my goal, which is about 1700 including my exercise (and I feel they are generous on the caloric burn). I could give up my Quest Cravings Peanut Butter Cups.... but I don't want to!!
So asparagus with light cheese wrapped in romaine is my "sandwich" along with some veggies and 12 almonds. Clean lunch - blah.
So here I am, back on the "eating clean" cycle... lately this only lasts for 2 days, 3 days max. Spring of 2012 I was able to eat clean for two months and get down to an amazing 140 lbs. I was hungry all. the. time. And I hated it. I couldn't wait to eat. So slowly, over the summer, I put 10 or so pounds back on.
And then the next 20, over the last 12 months.
I know what to eat to lose weight. I have no desire to starve myself again. Been there, done that.
In an ideal world I would "eat when I'm hungry, and sleep when I'm tired" as my mother used to say about vacation. I would only eat until satiated, and not to fill a void nor as a substitute for another activity.
It also requires, in my opinion, keeping track in a food diary or food log. I love the website 'My Fitness Pal' for keeping track because they have a huge food database. whats frustrating is how quickly I reach my caloric goal for the day and I feel like I'm not even eating that much! How do people under-eat????
If I eat as planned for today, I'll be 6 calories OVER my goal, which is about 1700 including my exercise (and I feel they are generous on the caloric burn). I could give up my Quest Cravings Peanut Butter Cups.... but I don't want to!!
So asparagus with light cheese wrapped in romaine is my "sandwich" along with some veggies and 12 almonds. Clean lunch - blah.
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