One Way or Another, We're Going Back in Time

I had some crazy anxiety yesterday.... almost for no reason.  I thought maybe I was tired and needed rest, or am getting nervous about my trip, or changing meds, or something, and just felt anxious.   I even wondered aloud, "is the other shoe about to drop?".

And then, at the very end of the day, I got an email with some shocking news:  two former co workers from the gym I worked at previously have asked the owner of my studio if they can work with us (due to some drama at their current establishment).   The news threw me for a loop.     This news is upsetting because back in 2011/ 2012 we all basically got along - them, myself, and my current co worker (the one that doesn't speak to me since the hospital incident), and now.... well things are different and awkward.  So how will this affect how those guys treat me?   Will I be able to deal with being around the three of them conversing all day and not being included?   Can I continue to pretend this doesn't bother me?   I’m left out of conversations now - will it make that worse?   I feel like it's awkward for everyone – me, our clients, our other co workers – and while it doesn’t hurt as much anymore, it’s still just annoying to have to deal with.   It will be like stepping back in time, since it has been over a year that we all worked together.   On the other hand, , I've been fantasizing [ok romanticizing] about moving back to Albany... back to where people like me and respect me, despite how difficult it might be to start over.   It would be like stepping back in time, to some extent! Either way, the idea gave me incredible anxiety, and I ate everything I had on hand, instead of just writing and breathing I chewed.  I chewed and chewed and let the ideas spin in my head, until I was so tired I couldn't chew any more.  The other shoe has indeed dropped.